Genetically Inferior “Show Dog” Indicted for Fraud

A Cocker Spaniel who claimed to have championship bloodlines was arrested last week for allegedly bilking an Upper West Side family out of their life savings. “Bailey,” who joined original family dog Kahlua in the apartment 18 months ago, is accused of running up massive vet bills to correct malfunctioning eyelids, misaligned teeth, and a cataract. “He’s had more surgery than Cher,” said his co-owner, Jennifer. “We could’ve gone on a Nickelodeon cruise,” sobbed the family’s two sons. Bailey was licking his privates and could not be reached for comment.